I’m pretty sure this one was mandatory. Everyone else on this list is subject. Neymar is an imperative.
Name: Neymar da Silva Santos Júnior, but to the world, just Neymar.
Birthplace: Mogi das Cruzes, São Paulo, Brazil
Age/Birthday: 22/5 February 1992
Smokeshow Qualification: Smokin’, smokin’ hot. This dude could give third degree burns. Rippling abs, perfect pout, caramel eyes, and the hair, although it could be a hit-and-miss on a lesser god, is ON POINT. Body. be. banging.
Why We Love Him: Let me COUNT THE DAMN WAYS. How about having his dad as his manager. The beginning of this Qatar Airlines commercial. The Brazilian Vogue shoot with Gisele. This incredible YouTube vid from his channel. He’s adorable. He deserves everything good in the world.
What Fictional Character I Think He Looks Like: Briar Moss from the Tamora Pierce books.
What Kind of Frat Dude Would He Be: The One Who ‘Accidentally’ Kicks The Ball Over Near The Cute Girls and Then Leaves With Five Different Numbers.
Anything Else: Every single piece of advertising you see during this World Cup will feature Neymar. Look at him. He’s gorgeous, he’s amazing with the ball, and he’s from the home country. He’s an advertiser’s wet dream. Nike set up a barbershop ad around his hair. He has his own personal brand logo. No pressure or anything.